hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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