Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
