I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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