My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
