At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
