Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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