Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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