I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
