maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
