Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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