I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
