We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
