Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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