i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
