I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
