I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
