its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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