i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I forget how to act sober
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
