trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
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