Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
