I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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