I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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