Got a toothbrush?
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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