that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
