I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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