You're so nebulous sometimes
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
