Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
