I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
