he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
