I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My balls are so social today.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
