We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
