she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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