Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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