last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
