how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
