The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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