he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
