At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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