I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize