end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
