Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
