Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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