Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
