last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize