My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
