I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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