I'm passing your future prison.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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