If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
