Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
organizing the empties. That sober.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
