y did u give ur computer a hand job?
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
