At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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