Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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