i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
