Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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