he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I can't put those talents on a resume
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
