You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
