the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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