Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
