lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
