and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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