Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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